I want to have an abundance of joy when my friends announce their pregnancies, but honestly I am jealous. I try to hide my feelings deeper and deeper. If I cannot have a baby myself, I want nothing to do with children. Perhaps that is my bitterness talking, honestly I wouldn't want to be friends with me, having an attitude like that. I just need my pregnant/mommy friends to understand a few things. First of all, I am not a fragile doll, I will not break if you tell me your happy news. However, p… Continue

There is always that fear lurking at the back of your mind the minute you learn of your next pregnancy (if you have had more than one miscarriage, then this for many will be familiar) - mixed feelings often set in, as you find yourself swinging from one side of the pendulum to the other. Happiness and joy at the prospect of carrying to full-term a healthy baby, versus the cramping pains that plague your mind and body the minute they kick in, knowing that the inevitable has you in it's clutches,… Continue

'Round 4' has begun!

I am currently ovulating and soon I'll be on my first 2ww of 2009!

I'm actually feeling more relaxed and positive than I thought I would be. I feel excited about trying again and am trying not to worry too much about the inevitable anxiety of being pregnant again.

I know feeling relaxed and being positive won't make the difference between miscarriage or not, but surely it's better than constantly worrying and being negative?

I have to believe this will happen for… Continue

All the test results were back and all are completely normal! The Dr was lovely and answered my MANY questions and has ensured me that it has nothing to do with my past anorexia, my anxiety, my CFS, getting pregnant soon after a mc or any of the other things I was worrying about! So that's put my mind at ease about blaming myself. He also said that the literature about increased NK cells in the uterus is a load of rubbish and the person who started it all has actually been stopped by the governi… Continue

It’s Mothers Day today.

I should have been holding my 6 week old baby today. Or been pregnant.

I knew today would be difficult. It’s an overwhelming sense of sadness. Being reminded of what should have been, reminded of what you haven’t got.

To others, who haven’t been through a loss, they might think that today is just another day to me. But it’s not. It’s a day filled with sadness and loss and heartache.

But I strongly believe that everyone who has lost a baby is still a mummy to their ang… Continue